Eighteen Refrains on Tartar Pipes 13,14,15 Cai Yan [Cai Wenji] (ca. 177-?)
Tr. YK Chan 陈耀国译
13
不谓残生兮却得旋归，抚抱胡儿兮泣下沾衣。
This late in life my successful repatriation is not expected,
My blouse’s wetted by tears as my Tartar sons are hugged tight.
汉使迎我兮四牡腓腓，号失声兮谁得知？
With the Han emissary and a four-horse-drawn carriage standing by,
Wildly I wail but who cares even when my wailing voices die?
与我生死兮逢此时，愁为子兮日无光辉，焉得羽翼兮将汝归？
In life-death departure, grieving for my boys the sun shines no more; return them not to me before they grow up?
一步一远兮足难移，魂消影绝兮恩爱遗。
A step farther away from them my feet cannot move,
Though their images are disappearing, my love for them is not remov’d.
十有三拍兮弦急调悲，肝肠搅刺兮人莫我知。
At thirteenth refrain the tempo accelerates and melody turns grave,
No one but me know that I fall apart into an abysmal cave.
14
身归国兮儿莫之随，心悬悬兮长如饥。
Repatriated without my sons for upbringing,
My heart forever starves of all my longings.
四时万物兮有盛衰，唯我愁苦兮不暂移。
Everything thrives or dies according to the seasons,
But my sorrow and bitterness never waive with reasons.
山高地阔兮见汝无期，更深夜阑兮梦汝来斯。
In this whole wide world we’ll ne’er meet again,
Late at night in my dream you two come to me again.
梦中执手兮一喜一悲，觉后痛我心兮无休歇时。
Dreaming of holding your hands I’m split between joy and grief,
Awake my heart pangs never stop to offer me relief.
十有四拍兮涕泪交垂，河水东流兮心是思。
By fourteenth refrain my sobs and tears mingle,
Like a stream flowing east my thoughts tingle.
15
十五拍兮节调促，气填胸兮谁识曲？
The tempo accelerates at fifteenth refrain,
Who’d recognize sulking and anger sound like twain?
处 庐兮偶殊俗，愿得归兮天从欲。
Staying in Tartar camp at odds with their custom,
Heaven grants my wish of returning home I fathom.
再还汉国兮欢心足，心有怀兮愁转深。
Repatriating to Han I’m gladly satisfied,
But sadness in my heart is intensified.
日月无私兮曾不照临，子母分离兮意难任。
The sun and moon shine all over but not on me,
For I can’t bear being separated my sons from me
同天隔越兮职商参，生死不相知兮何处寻？
Under the same sky yet we can ne’er meet,
About each other’s well being where to seek?
