(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

我地都警告過班鬼佬, 唔好選佢架啦, 點知那班委員會, 全是食古不化的老頑固, 一 D 面都唔俾我地, 偏偏就選佢, 嘿, 你地就等著瞧啦。老虎唔發火就當病貓, 等我地flex下muscle, 再加倍我地的 Low Currency Policy, 大量推出廉價貨色, 又睇吓, 世界經濟又會衰到去邊。

我地堂堂大國, 一個奧運, 一個世博, 都一擲千金, 搞得金壁輝煌, 出色萬分, 又點會因這諾貝爾而咁失威。其實今次 D 個只係和平奬, 又唔係什麼偉大的科學發明, 只是個小小的政治工具, 連 Obama 也可以是去年的得奬人, 其重要性可見一班。况且, 必要時我地中國人, 大可以自己搞叧外一個諾貝爾, 就夠體面啦。

諾貝爾和平奬, 是洋人的玩意兒。這次得奬者更是中國民運知名人物, 是西方干預中國內政又一見証。愛, 本是無條件的; 愛國, 又點會以民主為前提呢? 最近在英國, 澳洲, 太過民主, 結果選出了 minority government 就要依靠各黨派聯盟, 政府才能運作; 在加拿大, Harper 出盡九牛二虎之力, 分而治之, 過着做一日和尚敲一日鐘的艱苦歲月, 不似我們辦起事来, 要風得風, 要雨得雨, 全無障礙。一黨專政就是好。

但今次的諾貝爾事件, 還是要小心一點為上策, 不要太過張掦, 讓人民聼到風聲, 引起另一次天安門。 實行新聞鎖封, 還要再激發更多 D 民族感, 加強民族自豪。但世博巳近尾聲, 怎麼辨呢?

来来来, 有了。

保衞鈎魚台, 抵制日貨。

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

1. When you are a Canadian Citizen, but not an immigrant, and definitely not an illegal one
2. When you caught the thief red-handed, with stolen item in hand, not before, and definitely not after
3. Don’t rely on the police. They are there only to Protect and Serve. But whom? The citizen thieves, of course
4. If the thief returned to your shop to steal again, do not chase him down, offer him another bundle of flower instead, and tea?
5. There is a right way, and there is a wrong way. Be nice to the thief, invite him into your shop and patiently wait for the police
6. That is the price of doing business in Canada, in chinatown, at least
7. Get your own security patrol and let them do the arrest
8. It’s easier to have a Cardiac Arrest
9. To keep everybody employed, in this tough economic time. That includes the judge, the prosecutors, the lawyers, the police, the court staff, the translators, even the citizen thief, all by our taxpayers money
10. Let’s ask Rob Ford by robocall

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

記得很久以前, 在電影院看過一個廣告: 有一位小朋友, 一個人坐在石階上, 很孤獨的。他拿出一個橙, 開始剝皮, 撕開一塊塊; 接着就有幾個小朋友, 相繼出現。最後鏡頭, 小朋友們排排坐, 一同分享這個橙。有聲音説: 食新奇士橙, 就人人都鐘意同你做朋友。

不知是否受了這廣告影響, 從小就養成一種希望能受人歡迎的傾向。

在小學時, 聖誕節將到,就搜集了全班同學的名字, 回到家裡, 嚷着母親買來了一批聖誕咭, 花了多個晚上, 在咭上寫了同學們的名字, 拿回學校分派, 頓時成為全班最受歡迎人物。

中學時, 不送聖誕咭了。但卻發覺, 只要有相機在手, 任何人, 不論男女老幼, 尤其是女孩子們, 都會對你的镜頭, 莞然一笑, 馬上又成為受歡迎的人物。

結婚後, 不能整天到處作拍友。但推着 B B 上街, 卻又發覺經常有人停下來, 跟 B B 玩耍, 和我們交談起来, B B 叫什麽名字呀? 有多少月大呀? 又是相當受人歡迎。

兒女漸漸長大成人, 一同出街, 再沒有人理睬了。但, 又有新發現, 拖着寵物狗兒上街, 仍然一樣有人停下來, 跟狗兒玩耍, 也會發問, 叫什麽名字? 多大呀? 也是同樣受人歡迎。

隨着年紀大了, 在不遠的將来, 當風濕病發作, 再不能拖狗兒上街, 就會無人問津, 又該怎麼辦呢?

看見公園的長凳上, 孤獨的老人, 拿著一袋麵包, 在餵鴿子。難道到時, 不再受人歡迎, 就要轉移目標, 與鴿子, 松鼠為伍了?

奈何!

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

1. We created UN. We are a founding member/country of UN (1 of 77)
2. Alphabetically Canada is ahead of the other two contestants, Germany and Portugal
3. Canada is a multicultural society, just like the UN. We know how to handle problems — divide and conquer. (Or branded the opposition together as a coalition, like the Gang of Four)
4. We spend $5 billion a year on aid, making us a major donor (in spite of our cutting back and ever shrinking contributions). We have spearheaded UN efforts to combat AIDS and other diseases, forgiven debt and raised money to save mothers and children (maternal health does not include abortion; we are already saving the mothers and children).
5. Our PM needs excuses to make his rare appearances in UN, he missed too many photo-ops before, skipping to the wc
6. What other country has money to burn, and can throw away $1.2 billion in one weekend, to hold the G8/G20 meetings. Also look at the army of riot police force we assembled during the G20. We are definitely qualified for the security part of the Security Council
7. Our PM always follow the call of our leader, our American Idol  —  W,  to go into wars in Iraq, Afghan, to name a few; to be Protector of the Universe. We need to justify the cost of those jet fighters.
8. We came out of this recession without a scratch, more or less. We are the financial and banking model of the world; we even managed to turn a surplus to a 50 billion budget deficit in a blink of the eyes
9. We practice economic restraint, and will cut off all monetary stimulant programs, all social assistances and lower corporate taxes. We can bring such experience to the Security Council.
10. We are planning to draft Rob Ford for PM