(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

記得很久以前, 在電影院看過一個廣告: 有一位小朋友, 一個人坐在石階上, 很孤獨的。他拿出一個橙, 開始剝皮, 撕開一塊塊; 接着就有幾個小朋友, 相繼出現。最後鏡頭, 小朋友們排排坐, 一同分享這個橙。有聲音説: 食新奇士橙, 就人人都鐘意同你做朋友。

不知是否受了這廣告影響, 從小就養成一種希望能受人歡迎的傾向。

在小學時, 聖誕節將到,就搜集了全班同學的名字, 回到家裡, 嚷着母親買來了一批聖誕咭, 花了多個晚上, 在咭上寫了同學們的名字, 拿回學校分派, 頓時成為全班最受歡迎人物。

中學時, 不送聖誕咭了。但卻發覺, 只要有相機在手, 任何人, 不論男女老幼, 尤其是女孩子們, 都會對你的镜頭, 莞然一笑, 馬上又成為受歡迎的人物。

結婚後, 不能整天到處作拍友。但推着 B B 上街, 卻又發覺經常有人停下來, 跟 B B 玩耍, 和我們交談起来, B B 叫什麽名字呀? 有多少月大呀? 又是相當受人歡迎。

兒女漸漸長大成人, 一同出街, 再沒有人理睬了。但, 又有新發現, 拖着寵物狗兒上街, 仍然一樣有人停下來, 跟狗兒玩耍, 也會發問, 叫什麽名字? 多大呀? 也是同樣受人歡迎。

隨着年紀大了, 在不遠的將来, 當風濕病發作, 再不能拖狗兒上街, 就會無人問津, 又該怎麼辦呢?

看見公園的長凳上, 孤獨的老人, 拿著一袋麵包, 在餵鴿子。難道到時, 不再受人歡迎, 就要轉移目標, 與鴿子, 松鼠為伍了?

奈何!

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

1. We created UN. We are a founding member/country of UN (1 of 77)
2. Alphabetically Canada is ahead of the other two contestants, Germany and Portugal
3. Canada is a multicultural society, just like the UN. We know how to handle problems — divide and conquer. (Or branded the opposition together as a coalition, like the Gang of Four)
4. We spend $5 billion a year on aid, making us a major donor (in spite of our cutting back and ever shrinking contributions). We have spearheaded UN efforts to combat AIDS and other diseases, forgiven debt and raised money to save mothers and children (maternal health does not include abortion; we are already saving the mothers and children).
5. Our PM needs excuses to make his rare appearances in UN, he missed too many photo-ops before, skipping to the wc
6. What other country has money to burn, and can throw away $1.2 billion in one weekend, to hold the G8/G20 meetings. Also look at the army of riot police force we assembled during the G20. We are definitely qualified for the security part of the Security Council
7. Our PM always follow the call of our leader, our American Idol  —  W,  to go into wars in Iraq, Afghan, to name a few; to be Protector of the Universe. We need to justify the cost of those jet fighters.
8. We came out of this recession without a scratch, more or less. We are the financial and banking model of the world; we even managed to turn a surplus to a 50 billion budget deficit in a blink of the eyes
9. We practice economic restraint, and will cut off all monetary stimulant programs, all social assistances and lower corporate taxes. We can bring such experience to the Security Council.
10. We are planning to draft Rob Ford for PM

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

Hurrah, the long hot boring summer is over. The circus, oops, Parliament is back in town and re-opened this week.

First on the agenda, is the long-gun registry. It is a no brainer. Unlike the urbanite, the Toronto Elite, up North, we use guns to hunt animals, not men, and of course, no need for an expensive registry. Look at what the city folks have done to us. First they tempted our boys and girls, to move away from our rural habitat, into the big city lights, and corrupt them with their new social/cultural evils. Now they are trying to control our manly symbol, our guns. As our great leader, the beloved PM said, this is all about the Rural/Urban divide, and we will pick up the guns, so to speak, and fight to the bitter end, into the next election.

And then there is the issue of the $ 9-billion dollars purchase of a fleet of F35 Stealth Jet Fighters with the US company, Lockheed-Martin, without any bidding tender what so ever.

Our Defence Minister Mackay pointed out, “without the F-35 Lightning II, Canada might not be able to effectively defend its airspace in the future.” That is scary stuff, why do we need such heavy weapons? Are we on the brink of the Third World War, or is he a believer of the Mayan “End of World” theory of December 21, 2012?

“The F-35 will allow us to see threats before they see us,” Mr. MacKay indicated. “The stealth capability makes it the right aircraft, not only on the existing threats, but what may come.” What threats? Probably he is talking about defending the air space of the Canadian parliament, from any attack of the Opposition coalition.

Public Works Minister Rona Ambrose also pointed out, “Competitions do not need to be held when there is only one product available that meets the requirements set by the client.” “Frankly, it would be dishonest. It would be a waste of time and a waste of resources.” Of course, we are not those cheap bargain hunters, just to drive across town to get a tank of cheaper priced gasoline. We are Canadians.

As for giving business to our neighbour, we are just following President Obama’s call: Buy America.

For the past years, we have over-spent all the surplus money we inherited from our predecessors, and then more. We are now deeply in the red, and have no choice but to cut off all stimulation programs and extended benefits of the unemployed.

We have followed the textbook to a T, and threw in money, lots of money, to stimulate the economy during this recession, but still it doesn’t work. That’s all because of the US. Obama declared recession is over, but their economy is still stagnant. Obviously if they are not going anywhere, and so are we. So logically if we pump money into their economy, we may have thrown them a lifeline and save us in the end, hopefully with a majority in parliament.

Let us pray.

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

你需要我, 這是Anne Murray 的成名曲。最近在電視一個 ”請救救兒童“ 的廣告中, 又再聽到。一直以為, 這只是一首情歌; 誰想到, 換上了叧一套畫面, 又會有更感人的, 深厚的意義。

You needed me

I cried a tear
You wiped it dry
I was confused
You cleared my mind
I sold my soul
You bought it back for me
And held me up and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me.

Chorus
You gave me strength

To stand alone again
To face the world
Out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me
You needed me

And I can’t believe it’s you I can’t believe it’s true
I needed you and you were there
And I’ll never leave, why should I leave
I’d be a fool
‘Cause I’ve finally found someone who really cares

You held my hand
When it was cold
When I was lost
You took me home
You gave me hope
When I was at the end
And turned my lies
Back into truth again
You even called me friend

Repeat Chorus

You needed me
You needed me

我哭了, 流着眼淚
你替我抹乾
我困惑
你使我清醒
我賣去靈魂
你給我找回来
把我高舉, 給我尊嚴
不知何故, 你需要我

合唱
你給我力量

能再站起来
面對這世界
能夠自立
你將我放在基座上
高高的, 差不多見得到永恆
你需要我
你需要我

我不相信, 那是你
不相信, 這是真的
我需要你, 你就在眼前
我永遠不會離開
只有儍子, 才會離去
因為, 我巳找到
真正関心我的人

你牽着我
冰冷的手
當我迷失了
你帶我回家
你給我希望
當我巳絕望
你把我的謊言
變為真話
你甚至稱我朋友

合唱
你需要我
你需要我

Anne Murray, Shania Twain DUET
You Needed Me

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

人生, 有如一碗公仔麵。

很多時, 我們都會發覺, 置身在沸水中; 這是生活的挑戰, 人生必經的路程。但不用惶恐, 只要加點味道, 放入一包調味精, 甜酸苦辣, 就會變成一碗, 別有風味的上湯雞麵, 或是辣牛肉麵, 使人生更多姿多彩。

公仔麵, 来自日本。日清食品於一九六八年推出, 即食麵 ”出前一丁” , 成為人類一大發明。

七十年代的留學生, 很多時家人都會寄来一箱又一箱的 ”出前一丁” , 那就是他們的主要粮食。大多數留學生的烹飪技術, 只會煮開水; 公仔麵, 自然就成為他們的活命之寶。

在八十年代的經濟衰退中, 媽媽麵 (泰國的即食麵), 的銷售量 (Mama Noodles Index), 成為泰國的經濟指標。國家越窮, 經濟越壊, 就有更多失業大軍要依靠即食麵維生, 至令 Mama Noodles Index 上升。

在短短的幾十年, 公仔麵巳風行全球, 成為大衆化的食品, 窮人的食譜。在最近, 這裏所有的超級市場, 不只是華人超市, 都陳列着五花八門的 Ramen。 加拿大的經濟實況, 可見一斑。

最近, 公仔麵又有新的妙用。一位美國婦人, 發明用筷子和煮熟的公仔麵来織圍巾。

這真是住家男人的佳音, 下次太座回港省親或作遠遊, 大可以先編織一條圍巾, 圍在這等 “烹飪文盲” 頸上, 就不再需要餐餐外賣 KFC, Pizza, 也可以維持一頭半月呢 !

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

There is a new game in town: Monopoly, the Conservative Edition.

Players voluntarily have to roll the dice, and go round and round the board, in a circle, chanting: long form, long form; and have to answer a census question, whenever he/she landed on a square. Can’t answer the question, well, go directly to jail, do not pass go, and do not collect, but fined $200.

Sample questions:

1. What is your political and sexual orientation?
2. Are you a closet conservative?
3. How long is the Long Form anyway?
4. Does women health include abortion?
5. Is SPF 50+ enough to fight climate change?
6. Which taste better, the East European pierogie or the Canadian prorogue?
7. Are you a secret admirer of  the CBC culture war?
8. How many rolls of toilet paper you used a week?
9. Long or short, have you ever been jailed?
10. Where is Waldo/Harpo?

When a player finished the game, there you are, the 2011 census will be completed.

No need for compromise.

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

Hey, my wife is correct, don’t give out any personal information. It’s all a con game. Now even our government said so. Our PM is always upright and politically correct.

So next time when someone confronts you with a load of questions, in person, over the phone or the Internet, the Statscan guy included, simply refer them to your lawyer.

What’s the use of the Census anyway?

Even if I have one washroom, but six bedrooms, is nobody’s business. I protest. This is simply intrusion on my privacy. I agree, even the POW didn’t have to answer that many questions.

I also agree with the press secretary of the Oval Office, op, sorry, I meant the PMO (Prime Minister Office). I agree that people deliberately gave out incorrect information in the Census, just for a laugh.  It’s a con game, after all.

What’s the use of the Census anyway?

In my advanced age, I admired the ethic of a journalist. I would rather go to jail, than to reveal the source of my information, period.

If you want my information, well, why don’t you follow the Chinese example, set up your neighbourhood watch, completed with the old ladies brigade, peeping out of their windows constantly. So next time, for any of my personal data, just ask the old lady down the road, quick and simple.

Or send in CSIS with their deep-cover spies, just listen in, or go through my garbage, to sort out my personal info. To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t mind having Evelyn Salt as my next door neighbour.

But please, no more questions. Our government is wise. What’s the use of the Census anyway?

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

1. Because I said so, I am the boss
2. Lack funding, already spent a billion a few weeks ago
3. People don’t care, doing them a favour, save them time, fine and possible jail time anyway
4. Easier to hide unfavourable statistics
5. This is essentially gutting the Census, stupid
6. It’s just some numbers, no big deal
7. We are the new crusaders of ordinary citizens’ privacy
8. We will set up a committee to study it
9. Long Form pain for Short Term gain
10. Testing, testing, 123 …….. Fall Election is coming

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

Attention all students, no blowing bubbles in the school yard.

This aggressive activity is banned within 5 metres of our school. This is a secretive law passed recently by your big brother, our government, in Ontario.

From now on, all schools will be patrolled by the fully geared anti-riot police force, i.e. the Bubbles Brigade.

Please study the accompanied YouTube video carefully.

Especially for those potential schoolyard bullies, please note carefully, you are not allowed to use your fists during any encounter with your fellow students. You can only use threat, and word of war, unless touched by a bubble.

Then Attack! That is the signal, the 莫須有罪名 you are waiting for, for a pre-emptive attack.

If you learn well, fellow bullies, one day you can be Officer Bubbles too.

正所謂
只許POLICE 濫用公權
不許百姓吹 BUBBLE

吹