(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
我地都警告過班鬼佬, 唔好選佢架啦, 點知那班委員會, 全是食古不化的老頑固, 一 D 面都唔俾我地, 偏偏就選佢, 嘿, 你地就等著瞧啦。老虎唔發火就當病貓, 等我地flex下muscle, 再加倍我地的 Low Currency Policy, 大量推出廉價貨色, 又睇吓, 世界經濟又會衰到去邊。
我地堂堂大國, 一個奧運, 一個世博, 都一擲千金, 搞得金壁輝煌, 出色萬分, 又點會因這諾貝爾而咁失威。其實今次 D 個只係和平奬, 又唔係什麼偉大的科學發明, 只是個小小的政治工具, 連 Obama 也可以是去年的得奬人, 其重要性可見一班。况且, 必要時我地中國人, 大可以自己搞叧外一個諾貝爾, 就夠體面啦。
諾貝爾和平奬, 是洋人的玩意兒。這次得奬者更是中國民運知名人物, 是西方干預中國內政又一見証。愛, 本是無條件的; 愛國, 又點會以民主為前提呢? 最近在英國, 澳洲, 太過民主, 結果選出了 minority government 就要依靠各黨派聯盟, 政府才能運作; 在加拿大, Harper 出盡九牛二虎之力, 分而治之, 過着做一日和尚敲一日鐘的艱苦歲月, 不似我們辦起事来, 要風得風, 要雨得雨, 全無障礙。一黨專政就是好。
但今次的諾貝爾事件, 還是要小心一點為上策, 不要太過張掦, 讓人民聼到風聲, 引起另一次天安門。 實行新聞鎖封, 還要再激發更多 D 民族感, 加強民族自豪。但世博巳近尾聲, 怎麼辨呢?
来来来, 有了。
保衞鈎魚台, 抵制日貨。
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
1. When you are a Canadian Citizen, but not an immigrant, and definitely not an illegal one
2. When you caught the thief red-handed, with stolen item in hand, not before, and definitely not after
3. Don’t rely on the police. They are there only to Protect and Serve. But whom? The citizen thieves, of course
4. If the thief returned to your shop to steal again, do not chase him down, offer him another bundle of flower instead, and tea?
5. There is a right way, and there is a wrong way. Be nice to the thief, invite him into your shop and patiently wait for the police
6. That is the price of doing business in Canada, in chinatown, at least
7. Get your own security patrol and let them do the arrest
8. It’s easier to have a Cardiac Arrest
9. To keep everybody employed, in this tough economic time. That includes the judge, the prosecutors, the lawyers, the police, the court staff, the translators, even the citizen thief, all by our taxpayers money
10. Let’s ask Rob Ford by robocall
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
記得很久以前, 在電影院看過一個廣告: 有一位小朋友, 一個人坐在石階上, 很孤獨的。他拿出一個橙, 開始剝皮, 撕開一塊塊; 接着就有幾個小朋友, 相繼出現。最後鏡頭, 小朋友們排排坐, 一同分享這個橙。有聲音説: 食新奇士橙, 就人人都鐘意同你做朋友。
不知是否受了這廣告影響, 從小就養成一種希望能受人歡迎的傾向。
在小學時, 聖誕節將到,就搜集了全班同學的名字, 回到家裡, 嚷着母親買來了一批聖誕咭, 花了多個晚上, 在咭上寫了同學們的名字, 拿回學校分派, 頓時成為全班最受歡迎人物。
中學時, 不送聖誕咭了。但卻發覺, 只要有相機在手, 任何人, 不論男女老幼, 尤其是女孩子們, 都會對你的镜頭, 莞然一笑, 馬上又成為受歡迎的人物。
結婚後, 不能整天到處作拍友。但推着 B B 上街, 卻又發覺經常有人停下來, 跟 B B 玩耍, 和我們交談起来, B B 叫什麽名字呀? 有多少月大呀? 又是相當受人歡迎。
兒女漸漸長大成人, 一同出街, 再沒有人理睬了。但, 又有新發現, 拖着寵物狗兒上街, 仍然一樣有人停下來, 跟狗兒玩耍, 也會發問, 叫什麽名字? 多大呀? 也是同樣受人歡迎。
隨着年紀大了, 在不遠的將来, 當風濕病發作, 再不能拖狗兒上街, 就會無人問津, 又該怎麼辦呢?
看見公園的長凳上, 孤獨的老人, 拿著一袋麵包, 在餵鴿子。難道到時, 不再受人歡迎, 就要轉移目標, 與鴿子, 松鼠為伍了?
奈何!
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
1. We created UN. We are a founding member/country of UN (1 of 77)
2. Alphabetically Canada is ahead of the other two contestants, Germany and Portugal
3. Canada is a multicultural society, just like the UN. We know how to handle problems — divide and conquer. (Or branded the opposition together as a coalition, like the Gang of Four)
4. We spend $5 billion a year on aid, making us a major donor (in spite of our cutting back and ever shrinking contributions). We have spearheaded UN efforts to combat AIDS and other diseases, forgiven debt and raised money to save mothers and children (maternal health does not include abortion; we are already saving the mothers and children).
5. Our PM needs excuses to make his rare appearances in UN, he missed too many photo-ops before, skipping to the wc
6. What other country has money to burn, and can throw away $1.2 billion in one weekend, to hold the G8/G20 meetings. Also look at the army of riot police force we assembled during the G20. We are definitely qualified for the security part of the Security Council
7. Our PM always follow the call of our leader, our American Idol — W, to go into wars in Iraq, Afghan, to name a few; to be Protector of the Universe. We need to justify the cost of those jet fighters.
8. We came out of this recession without a scratch, more or less. We are the financial and banking model of the world; we even managed to turn a surplus to a 50 billion budget deficit in a blink of the eyes
9. We practice economic restraint, and will cut off all monetary stimulant programs, all social assistances and lower corporate taxes. We can bring such experience to the Security Council.
10. We are planning to draft Rob Ford for PM
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
Hurrah, the long hot boring summer is over. The circus, oops, Parliament is back in town and re-opened this week.
First on the agenda, is the long-gun registry. It is a no brainer. Unlike the urbanite, the Toronto Elite, up North, we use guns to hunt animals, not men, and of course, no need for an expensive registry. Look at what the city folks have done to us. First they tempted our boys and girls, to move away from our rural habitat, into the big city lights, and corrupt them with their new social/cultural evils. Now they are trying to control our manly symbol, our guns. As our great leader, the beloved PM said, this is all about the Rural/Urban divide, and we will pick up the guns, so to speak, and fight to the bitter end, into the next election.
And then there is the issue of the $ 9-billion dollars purchase of a fleet of F35 Stealth Jet Fighters with the US company, Lockheed-Martin, without any bidding tender what so ever.
Our Defence Minister Mackay pointed out, “without the F-35 Lightning II, Canada might not be able to effectively defend its airspace in the future.” That is scary stuff, why do we need such heavy weapons? Are we on the brink of the Third World War, or is he a believer of the Mayan “End of World” theory of December 21, 2012?
“The F-35 will allow us to see threats before they see us,” Mr. MacKay indicated. “The stealth capability makes it the right aircraft, not only on the existing threats, but what may come.” What threats? Probably he is talking about defending the air space of the Canadian parliament, from any attack of the Opposition coalition.
Public Works Minister Rona Ambrose also pointed out, “Competitions do not need to be held when there is only one product available that meets the requirements set by the client.” “Frankly, it would be dishonest. It would be a waste of time and a waste of resources.” Of course, we are not those cheap bargain hunters, just to drive across town to get a tank of cheaper priced gasoline. We are Canadians.
As for giving business to our neighbour, we are just following President Obama’s call: Buy America.
For the past years, we have over-spent all the surplus money we inherited from our predecessors, and then more. We are now deeply in the red, and have no choice but to cut off all stimulation programs and extended benefits of the unemployed.
We have followed the textbook to a T, and threw in money, lots of money, to stimulate the economy during this recession, but still it doesn’t work. That’s all because of the US. Obama declared recession is over, but their economy is still stagnant. Obviously if they are not going anywhere, and so are we. So logically if we pump money into their economy, we may have thrown them a lifeline and save us in the end, hopefully with a majority in parliament.
Let us pray.
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
你需要我, 這是Anne Murray 的成名曲。最近在電視一個 ”請救救兒童“ 的廣告中, 又再聽到。一直以為, 這只是一首情歌; 誰想到, 換上了叧一套畫面, 又會有更感人的, 深厚的意義。
You needed me
I cried a tear
You wiped it dry
I was confused
You cleared my mind
I sold my soul
You bought it back for me
And held me up and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me.
Chorus
You gave me strength
To stand alone again
To face the world
Out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me
You needed me
And I can’t believe it’s you I can’t believe it’s true
I needed you and you were there
And I’ll never leave, why should I leave
I’d be a fool
‘Cause I’ve finally found someone who really cares
You held my hand
When it was cold
When I was lost
You took me home
You gave me hope
When I was at the end
And turned my lies
Back into truth again
You even called me friend
Repeat Chorus
You needed me
You needed me
我哭了, 流着眼淚
你替我抹乾
我困惑
你使我清醒
我賣去靈魂
你給我找回来
把我高舉, 給我尊嚴
不知何故, 你需要我
合唱
你給我力量
能再站起来
面對這世界
能夠自立
你將我放在基座上
高高的, 差不多見得到永恆
你需要我
你需要我
我不相信, 那是你
不相信, 這是真的
我需要你, 你就在眼前
我永遠不會離開
只有儍子, 才會離去
因為, 我巳找到
真正関心我的人
你牽着我
冰冷的手
當我迷失了
你帶我回家
你給我希望
當我巳絕望
你把我的謊言
變為真話
你甚至稱我朋友
合唱
你需要我
你需要我
Anne Murray, Shania Twain DUET
You Needed Me
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
人生, 有如一碗公仔麵。
很多時, 我們都會發覺, 置身在沸水中; 這是生活的挑戰, 人生必經的路程。但不用惶恐, 只要加點味道, 放入一包調味精, 甜酸苦辣, 就會變成一碗, 別有風味的上湯雞麵, 或是辣牛肉麵, 使人生更多姿多彩。
公仔麵, 来自日本。日清食品於一九六八年推出, 即食麵 ”出前一丁” , 成為人類一大發明。
七十年代的留學生, 很多時家人都會寄来一箱又一箱的 ”出前一丁” , 那就是他們的主要粮食。大多數留學生的烹飪技術, 只會煮開水; 公仔麵, 自然就成為他們的活命之寶。
在八十年代的經濟衰退中, 媽媽麵 (泰國的即食麵), 的銷售量 (Mama Noodles Index), 成為泰國的經濟指標。國家越窮, 經濟越壊, 就有更多失業大軍要依靠即食麵維生, 至令 Mama Noodles Index 上升。
在短短的幾十年, 公仔麵巳風行全球, 成為大衆化的食品, 窮人的食譜。在最近, 這裏所有的超級市場, 不只是華人超市, 都陳列着五花八門的 Ramen。 加拿大的經濟實況, 可見一斑。
最近, 公仔麵又有新的妙用。一位美國婦人, 發明用筷子和煮熟的公仔麵来織圍巾。
這真是住家男人的佳音, 下次太座回港省親或作遠遊, 大可以先編織一條圍巾, 圍在這等 “烹飪文盲” 頸上, 就不再需要餐餐外賣 KFC, Pizza, 也可以維持一頭半月呢 !
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
There is a new game in town: Monopoly, the Conservative Edition.
Players voluntarily have to roll the dice, and go round and round the board, in a circle, chanting: long form, long form; and have to answer a census question, whenever he/she landed on a square. Can’t answer the question, well, go directly to jail, do not pass go, and do not collect, but fined $200.
Sample questions:
1. What is your political and sexual orientation?
2. Are you a closet conservative?
3. How long is the Long Form anyway?
4. Does women health include abortion?
5. Is SPF 50+ enough to fight climate change?
6. Which taste better, the East European pierogie or the Canadian prorogue?
7. Are you a secret admirer of the CBC culture war?
8. How many rolls of toilet paper you used a week?
9. Long or short, have you ever been jailed?
10. Where is Waldo/Harpo?
When a player finished the game, there you are, the 2011 census will be completed.
No need for compromise.
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
We are partners in crime. We fit each other perfectly. We are two of a kind. Me Tar-Sands. You BP.
Although copycat oilspills are springing up everywhere, in China, in Michigan, we are, shame to admit, still the top environmental polluters of this world.
Here in Alberta, we are causing permanent damage to Canada’s Boreal forest ecosystem and the Athabasca River ecosystem, destruction of scarce freshwater, generation of toxic waste. Our Tar Sands “Gigaproject” is the largest industrial project in human history and likely also the most destructive. The tar sands mining procedure releases at least three times the CO2 emissions as regular oil production and is slated to become the single largest industrial contributor in North America to Climate Change.
But have no fear, BP buddy; your company is still among the largest private sector energy corporations in the world. The 20 April 2010 explosion of the Deepwater Horizon, in which 11 people died, led to an oil spill that contaminated a vast area of United States marine environment along the Gulf of Mexico, and continued to have a serious impact on wildlife. For three devastating long months, estimated 70,000 barrels of crude oil gushed out into the ocean each day. The resulting oil slick covered at least 2,500 square miles (6,500 km2), fluctuating daily depending on weather conditions, affecting the coastlines of Texas, Florida, Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisiana, including the wetlands near New Orleans. Scientists have also reported immense underwater plumes of dissolved oil not visible at the surface. The spill continued to cause extensive damage to marine and wildlife habitats as well as the Gulf’s seafood industries, including fishing, oyster and shrimp; and tourism industries.
Chief Hayward, heard that you are being replaced and exiled to Siberia. Why don’t you come and join me Tar-Sands here in Alberta. After all, you have single-handedly turned all the coastline beaches into tar-sand black goldmines. We promise you to have your life back here in this conservatively run great little country and especially this wild rose province.
Rethink Alberta.