(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

Yes, Prime Minister, we are ready, ready for that darn election.

Sex sells. Believe it or NOT, this Water Flirtation (oops, Filtration) Scandal is a godsend. This is just what we need, to stir up some interest. Nowadays, scandals are popular and with headline drawing power, not necessarily bad publicity. Look at Charlie Sheen, appearing on TV every day. People are lining up to pay a hundred bucks for a ticket to hear his incoherent psychotic rambling about violent winning (of what I do not know). His rating is up, higher than his ranting.

Now we have a romance between our own top ex-advisor, an influential and powerful 66 year elder, and his fiancée, a 22 years old ex-escort. Such Ottawa fairy tale should definitely draw attention, with someone knowledgeable enough to know how to peddle and what strings to pull in our government; and the benefit of rejuvenation while working for us (without Viagra).

BTW, I advise to recruit Charlie to assist in our upcoming campaign, isn’t his father the President in the West Wing. This may come handy someday. He is also an excellent example of winning, by losing (his job, his wife, his children, and his mind, to name a few)

Wars, violence, these are our drawing cards too. People love violence. Look at those brain-dead NHL officials, they strongly believe, their league will not survive without bodychecks and concussions. They want to educate little kids to start bodychecking as soon as they can skate, to protect them, they reason.

Further, sending the jet fighters to Libya is a move of genius. This makes you an instant war-time Prime Minister and a war-time hero. Then you may be able to hold on office just to do your job.

At home, people love a good fight too. Personal attack ads are brilliant. Look, Iggy is upset and fighting back. We must be doing something right, hitting his nerve, and below his belt. We should hit harder with both fists. Now we have covered his patriotism, his elitism, his family, what’s next?

Oh, the Commons committee has just found us, the Harper government, in contempt of Parliament, and breaking the rules of government. Well, big deal, you win some, you lose some. We have trained our bureaucratic staff and ministers well; they can expertly hide information, evade questioning, doctor documents and even creatively financing all our elections. What else can you ask for!?

Business as usual.

Ready, set, go.

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

Prime Minister Stephen Harper says Canadian jets will enforce our resolution calling for a no-fly zone over Parliament to prevent further bloodshed and demand a ceasefire in our war-torn parliament.

“The situation in Parliament remains intolerable,” he told a news conference in Ottawa Friday.

“The people of Canada have shown through their sacrifices that they believe (in democracy). Helping ourselves (to the gravy train?) is a moral obligation for all of us who profess to support that great ideal.”

Harper said even though it appears the opposition is not prepared to honour a ceasefire, Harper said CF-18 jets will join RCMP and other allies in the Harper regime to make sure there are no further massacres.

“Canadian armed with forces will enforce this resolution,” Harper said, adding that he was encouraged by recent reports of a ceasefire.

“However, in order for that threat of intervention to remain credible, adequate political forces must be in place. We will therefore move forward with our deployment, we are calling in the RCMP, and once again, prorogue parliament” he told reporters in the foyer of the House of Commons.

Harper said he will be consulting his party faithful next week in order to seek approval to extend the deployment beyond three months if necessary.

Since the conflict Canada has evacuated Canadian citizens from Parliament Hill, put in place sanctions and called on the regime to stop the war on its own people and step down.

(Believe it or NOT, boldly and political incorrectly redacted from the original:
http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/article/956141–canada-will-enforce-un-no-fly-zone )

A dose of satire needed to ease the tension at home and worldwide 🙂

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

I turned my head. I stared away from the TV screen.

OMG, Charlie Sheen was swinging a machete above his head.

I can’t take it anymore.

It is no longer funny, nor entertaining.

It is as clear as crystal, this is a tragedy in the making, and outrageously revolting too.

It is like watching a car crashing, in slow motion.

It is like watching a house on fire, covering our mouths with our hands, and gasped, with an occasional outburst of the shooting flame, before the house is completely burnt down.

This is purely a reality show, a horrendous human reality.

A human being is on skid-row, a very sick person indeed. Every day, he is revealing a bit more of himself, in front of the camera, to the whole world, his sickness, his mental state. And we are enjoying this, taking in every minute of it, as entertainment.

As his father Martin Sheen said, this is a disease, like cancer. But this is curable, or at least controllable, if he seeks medical help now.

This brings back memory, like I am back to my medical student day, as an intern, interviewing patient, conducting a bedside diagnosis, tried to ask the right questions. And then sat back, let the patient ranted out his story, revealing all his symptoms, his delusions, his manic state of mind, with his rambling, incoherent speech. Sitting there, collecting data, and compared them to my knowledge base, gained from the medical textbooks.

Agitation – checked, irritation – checked, inflated self-esteem – checked, hyperactivity/restlessness – checked, increase energy – checked, lack of self-control – checked, racing thoughts – checked, poor temper control – checked, reckless behavior- checked, easily distracted – checked …………

Diagnosis: Bipolar Affective Disorder – manic-depression

Unfortunately, he needs medical attention and intervention, not more media attention and fame.

But on the other hand, will he agree to any treatment?

Even if he agrees to intervention, will he keep on taking his medication?

Such patients are notorious for stopping medication as soon as they feel better.

Treatment, off treatment, treatment again …….., these become a tug-of-war, usually to their bitter and sorry end.

A sad tale, but true.

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

King Gadhafi

“Muammar Gaddafi is the leader of the revolution, I am not a president to step down … I have nowhere to resign from.”

“I have not yet ordered the use of force, not yet ordered one bullet to be fired … when I do, everything will burn.”

“Al Qaeda’s cells attacked security forces and took over their weapons,” he said, adding: “How did that all begin? Small, sleeper al Qaeda cells.”

“Come out of your homes, those who love Muammar Gaddafi. Women, men, girls, boys, those who side with Muammar Gaddafi and the revolution.… As from tomorrow, no, as from tonight, actually, people in Libyan cities and towns … chase [the protesters], arrest them, hand them over to the security [forces].”

“No sound person has taken part in these actions, they are all children.… Take your children back. They are drugging your children. They are making your children drunk and they’re sending them to hell. Your children will die.”

“Their ages are 17. They give them pills at night, they put hallucinatory pills in their drinks, their milk, their coffee, their Nescafe.”

“I am like the Queen of England.”

“I am much bigger than any rank, for those who are talking about rank, I am a fighter.”

King Charlie

“I’ve got magic. I’ve got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time — and this includes naps — I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.”

“I’m gonna hang on to them, and they’re going to fuel my attack. And they’re going to fuel the battle cry of my deadly and dangerous and secret and silent soldiers. Because they’re all around you.”

In his interviews with ABC’s Good Morning America and NBC’s Today show, he boasted about his “epic” partying, said he’s fuelled by “violent hatred” of his bosses, claimed to have kicked drugs at home in his “Sober Valley Lodge” and demanded $3 million an episode to return to work.

“What’s not to love?” he said on ABC. “Especially when you see how I party. It was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards just look like droopy-eyed armless children.”

“I’m supposed to be out there all humble and asking for my job,” Sheen said during an interview at his home with Mike Walters and streamed live Monday on TMZ.com. “No, I don’t do that. I don’t understand what I did wrong except live a life that everyone is jealous of.”

‘I’m tired of pretending I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.’

Sheen said that he’s bored now with cocaine. But he said he “exposed people to magic” when they partied with him and that he loved doing drugs.

“I am on a drug,” Sheen said. “It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

King Rob Ford

“Stop the gravy train.”

“Change starts at the top,” Ford told reporters Monday. “I’m asking for all the citizens that sat on the board to resign immediately. The seven civilians should do the right thing and tender their resignation.”

“I can only ask [them to resign]; I can’t force them. … I have to get new people in there, and I’m going through council,” he said, adding that he’s optimistic he’d succeed. “I can’t see any councillor defending these expenditures. It’s absolutely ridiculous.”

The next day, TCHC citizen board members resign en masse.

Seeking government money, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford said he’s “absolutely” ready to play hardball with a provincial government reluctant to agree to his request for $150-million this year. And in a talk radio interview Wednesday morning he threatened to ensure the Liberals don’t get back into office at Queen’s Park following this fall’s election.

“I haven’t talked to [Premier Dalton McGuinty] face to face about that request of $150-million. And if he says ‘No,’ obviously there’s a provincial election coming up,” Mr. Ford told Newstalk1010. “I want to work with him, not against him. But obviously if he’s not helping out the city, I’m going to have no choice but to work against him. I don’t want to do that.”

“If I need help from the province then I’ll ask for their help. And if they choose not to help us, then I have no other choice but to get out, as I call it, ‘Ford Nation’ and make sure they’re not re-elected in the next election.”

King Stephen

“Attack! ”

“Michael Ignatieff: He didn’t come back for you.”

“Good dog.”

“Not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, …………………”

“The King has spoken, now you can all leave!”

[News Brief] It happened recently, in an event hosted by the Indian High Commission, to launch “The Year of India in Canada.”

Stephen Harper and Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff were both there to give speeches.

Harper delivered a short address, but before Ignatieff got his turn at the podium, a P-M-O staffer hustled all the attending reporters and camera crews out of the building.

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

英國首相金馬倫, 上月宣稱, 英國的多元文化, 是個失敗, 至令一些回族的英國青年, 走向極端的恐佈主義。嘿, 慢一點。金首相, 那你的眼光, 就太短窄了。我認為, 多元文化就是好。

無他, 請看看, 就以加拿大来説, 百花齊放, 各民族都忙於參予, 自已祖家的政治活動, 就算身在加拿大, 也會上街搖旗抗議, 示威, 表示支持, 又怎會有剩餘時間, 精力, 涉足本地政治, 来攪攪震呢。只要不涉及加拿大內政, 那又讓他們嘈吵一陣子, 也無傷大雅; 還可以大事宣傳: 民主櫉窗, 又一實例。只要各民族, 對加拿大政治, 不聞不問, 只顧自已祖家的活動, 政府就能隻眼開隻眼閉算了。

當然, 如果悪化至G20那樣的暴動, 燒到加國政府的頭上, 那就要出動大批警察, 暴力鎮壓, 格殺勿論。

各民族只要乖乖的, 做其順民, 不要給政府多添煩惱, 對加國政治免疫, 全沒有感染; 什麼關閉國會, 取消人口普查長式問卷, 減低企業稅額, 都是有如水過鴨背, 滑流得無影無踪, 全無影響。正所謂: 日出而作, 日入而息, 帝力於我何有哉。

那麽政府還會派出國會議員, 重要政客, 黨魁, 參予各民族的文化活動; 握握手, 拍拍照, 大派紅包, 就皆大歡喜矣。

但請記住, 大選時投我們神聖的一票。

你話啦, 是不是, 多元文化就是好。

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

“NOT” is a three-letter word; a word more meaningful and powerful than a four-letter word. It’s part of our government official lingo. It can be creatively inserted in any document or speech to emphasize the government viewpoints and decisions.

“NOT” is so powerful, simply utter or insert the magic word, it will immediately turn the table around on any argument, to topple any opposition, or to defuse any awkward situation.

Believe it or NOT. It leaves you no choice. End of story.

No, I am NOT going to approve it. No, I am NOT going to fire her. Wow. It oozes with authority, with power, and with finality. Such iron-fisted decisiveness, such workmanship, such leadership. The rating shoots right up in the polls.

NOT to tell an untruth, according to Wikipedia, “NOT!” is not a new invention. It is a sarcastic catchphrase of North America of the 90’s. A declarative statement is made, followed by a pause and then an emphatic “not!” is postfixed (e.g. “I’ll resign…..[long pause]….NOT!”). The result is a negation of the original declarative statement. Popularized in North America in the 1990s by a Saturday Night Live skit and subsequent movie Wayne’s World.

Finally it arrives at Parliament Hill. Approved, …. NOT! This shows our minister is in control. Probably complement of the PMO (“Dis-approve it, or else!” Hence the creatively inserted NOT). Remember the gay parade grant approval by another minister, which led to her frozen state for a while. This minister wouldn’t be repeating history, or NOT.

Order, order. New order of the day:

This is falsifying signed document ….. NOT!

This is misleading Parliament ….. NOT!

Reverse the long census decision ….. NOT!

Roll back the corporate tax cuts …..NOT!

Re-open bidding for the fighter jets ….. NOT!

The list goes on and on …………..

The rating keeps shooting up.

The NOT government is here to stay.

Long live the NOT.

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

1. 最高指示 It reflects the secrecy nature of our government

2. Quicker and easier than closing down/prorogue parliament

3. So what. It is within our power to do so, I am the minister 官字兩個口

4. Mind you. It’s adding, not redacting/deleting/withholding wordings of a document. Quite an improvement!

5. Everybody longed to be able to add more “not”, i.e. “zeros” to cheques payable to them, now the government just made it legit

6. Oops, sorry, forgot to initial the change

7. Believe it or NOT

8. Cannot get the co-operation of the co-signees, this is the only way to do it, very creative indeed

9. Get used to it. This is the better way of running business in our government nowadays

10. Obviously this is a very sick document, that needs doctoring

[楓林奇趣錄]
以下故事, 全屬虛構

大漢露出憎怜的面孔, 大聲喊道: 把錢交出来。德叔緊抓着所有的錢, 死也不肯放手。

大漢舉起斗大的雙拳, 如雨點般重重落在徳叔的頭上, 爆炸開来, 眼前金光亂射, 痛得要命。

德叔醒了過来, 原来只是一場惡夢。大漢不見了, 但頭還是霍霍的痛。

               X X X X X X X

這頭痛, 連續了個多星期。最先, 吃幾片亞士匹靈, 還可以抵它數小時, 漸漸這也不靈了, 抱着頭痛上床, 帶着頭痛醒来。

唉, 德叔一骨碌爬起床来, 抱着頭摸到洗手間, 連忙呑下三四片亞士匹靈。

梳洗後, 走到後園, 開始他的晨早運動—耍太極。

汪汪汪, 汪汪。突然身後, 傳来了一陣又一陣, 瘋狗般的亂吠聲。又是隔鄰的北京狗, 隔着籬笆在大吵大嚷。

心一煩, 頭痛也就變本加厲了。

剛巧鄰居八嬸走了出来, 看看究竟發生了什麽事情。德叔就連忙抗議。

「八嬸, 要把狗鎖好, 咬着人就麻煩呀。」

「德叔, 我的狗是在自家後園, 與你無關啊。」

「但它嘈吵厲害, 擾亂本區安寜。」

「狗能夠吠, 才會守門口呢。」

「但它實在吵得人頭痛厲害。」

「有頭痛, 就應去看醫生, 不要找我的寶貝来出氣。」

               X X X X X X X

德叔被駡得狗血淋頭, 早已沒有興趣做運動了, 咕嚕着走進屋来。

真的, 今天什麼也不對頭。咖啡太冷, 多士太硬, 連報紙新聞也全是殺人放火, 經濟大衰退之類。越心煩, 頭就越痛。

德嫂早就退避三舍, 躲得老遠的, 免至捱駡。也樂得耳根清淨。

不知不覺間, 屋內一片寂靜, 原来徳叔又摸回床上, 蒙頭大睡。

               X X X X X X X

午飯後, 德嫂不理三七廿一, 就拉了徳叔出門, 到醫生診所。

路上, 德叔還是喃喃般地抱怨, 倆老一路爭吵到醫生處。

經過檢查, 診斷, 醫生的結論就是—-血壓高。開了藥方, 吩咐每天服食一次, 兩星期後覆診。

               X X X X X X X

到藥房配藥, 德叔又差點兒引起了心臓病發作。

取藥時, 藥劑師輕輕地説:「這是新藥, 政府不保, 連稅, 共七十五元。」

「什麼, 三十粒藥丸要七十五元, 這不是金丹呀。」

「先生, 這是藥厰定的價錢, 與我們無關的。」

「可以減價嗎 ? 」

藥劑師苦笑一下。

德嫂連忙付錢, 取了藥, 拉着德叔走了出来, 又一路吵着回家。

               X X X X X X X

這兩星期過得相安無事, 德叔或許是頭痛難抵, 或許不想浪費, 也很聴話, 每天都服食「金丹」, 頭痛也漸漸散去, 屋子又回復寧靜。

兩星期後, 醫生説, 血壓下降了, 但要繼續食藥。

「醫生, 要吃多久呀? 」

「要長期服用, 就是因為這藥, 高血壓才被控制, 不然, 又會上升了。」

回到家裡, 德叔愈想愈肉痛, 一個月七十五元, 一年就要九百元。老天, 為了吃這個藥, 就要傾家蕩產, 這還了得。

               X X X X X X X

德叔終日愁眉苦臉, 唉聲嘆氣,日思夜想, 比頭痛更煩。

終於給他想通了。血壓上升, 就引至頭痛, 吃藥後血壓下降, 頭痛停止。

從此以後, 德叔改變了他的服藥方法: 有頭痛時就吃他幾天藥, 不痛就不吃; 去覆診前幾天又再開始服藥, 慕求瞞天過海, 慳水慳力。

               X X X X X X X

結果, 血壓時高時低, 醫生莫明所以。想換藥, 德叔又萬個不願意。

這樣拉鋸戰了數個月, 一天, 德叔在雜誌上讀到一篇文章, 就如獲至寶, 歡喜萬分。

文章謂, 有等病人, 本是血壓正常, 但一見到醫務人員, 就立時精神緊張, 結果血壓就高起来了。這叫做「白袍症」。

德叔獲得了科學的理論根據, 從此就不再上醫生醫務所了。

如果德嫂有所抱怨, 他就理直氣壯地説: 「我患的是白袍症。」

               X X X X X X X

人為財死。他是一顆定時炸彈。

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

According to Zodiac experts, people born in the Year of the Rabbit are articulate, talented, and ambitious. They are virtuous, reserved, and have excellent taste. Rabbit people are admired, trusted, and are often financially lucky. They are fond of gossip but are tactful and generally kind. Rabbit people seldom lose their temper. They are clever at business and being conscientious, never back out of a contract. They would make good gamblers for they have the uncanny gift of choosing the right thing. However, they seldom gamble, as they are conservative and wise.

OK, let see what kind of rabbit you want or want to be?

	寂寞嫦娥 玉兔良伴
	White Rabbit:《愛麗絲漫遊奇境》 跟著 兔子先生 去冒險
	龜兔賽跑 傲慢與徧見
	狡兔三窟 多頭住家
	魔術師 得力助手
	守株待兔 Waiting for Godot
	Easter Bunny 復活節兔子
	Bugs Bunny 兔八哥
	Playboy Bunny 花花公子寵兒 兔女郎

[楓林奇趣錄]
以下故事, 全屬虛構

在下一個星期天, 華牧師又在作宣道:

「耶穌對門徒説, 叫他們一排排的坐下 ……… 然後拿着五個餅, 二條魚, 望天祝福, 擘開, 遞給門徒擺在衆人面前, 他們吃了, 並且都吃飽了。

各位教友, 我們知道, 因為經濟不景, 這裡有很多人失業, 很多家庭都處於飢餓邊沿。如果我們能夠幫助一個人改善生活, 接濟他的需要, 那麼, 那個人便是我們的近人。

根據古代教會的辦法, 不但捐出個人的餘資, 還拿出生活必需品来, 按個人的力量, 減輕當前這個時代的苦痛 —– 這乃是上帝子民的責任。

各位教友, 所以本教堂, 决定每週末的六, 日兩晚, 大開方便之門, 救濟窮人, 設立廚房供給免費晚餐, 還邀請無家可歸者, 在我們的禮堂內留宿。」

一聽之下, 各教友反應強烈, 更有人要求開大會討論。

               X X X X X X X

在大會上, 是一遍遍反對之聲。

有人擔心引進了窮等人家, 會影響到本區市容有損, 至令房屋價格下跌。

有人擔心到治安問題。流浪漢, 閒人多了, 犯罪率會因而高漲。

更有人擔心到孩子的安全, 他們再不能自由自在地, 在街上遊蕩, 玩耍。

總之, 反對人人有理。

華牧師發言:

「各位教友, 我們教堂的發展, 已經到了一個十字路口。我原希望擴大教堂, 好能服務眾教友, 但現因為捐款甚為不如理想, 不能不把計劃擱置下来。現在, 唯有另謀出路, 要發展更多教友, 所以决定救濟窮人, 擴大接觸面, 希望能爭取更多人的支持, 發展教堂會務。」

言下之意, 大家都聽得清楚明白。

               X X X X X X X

不出三個月, 百萬元改建費用, 早已捐了回来, 新教堂也就動土興建了。

               X X X X X X X

華牧師跪在祭台前, 默默地祈禱。

感謝袮, 主。

為今天袮給我的啟示, 袮給我的恩賜, 感謝袮。