(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
As soon as Steve Jobs announced the name of the Apple new tablet, the iPad is drawing sneers and jeers from bloggers, Twitters everywhere, especially women.
The name already existed, since a sketch from Mad TV in 2007.
See it for yourself.
*** Warning: This video may contain mature adult content and vulgar language, viewer discretion and parental guidance are advised ! ( For the younger WYKAAO members )
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
Cruise USA is changing course.
President Barack Obama in Wednesday night’s State of the Union address, placed the plight of the jobless foremost among a sweeping new set of economic priorities to pull the country out of recession.
For those lucky ones who still have a job, here are some useful advice.
You have to be a changed man/woman nowadays.
Set your alarm clock an hour earlier than usual. You have to get into the office before your boss. And make sure you leave everyday after her/him.
Don’t attract attention, one way or the other, good or bad. Otherwise the chopping axe may fall on you instead. No more water cooler gossips, nor sided with anyone in the office politics. The casualty may again be you.
Do your work efficiently and quickly, at least with some results to show.
Be polite to everybody, but keep at a distance, and beware of back stabbing. No office romance please.
Take pay cut or hours cut gracefully, accept it readily and with a smile, as if you mean it. Sulk only at home.
Change your work habit. Work like a horse, at all hours, with no complaints, no coffee breaks. Send your boss update emails at night from home, the later (say 1 am) the better.
Submerge yourself. Work, work, work and then more work (or at least look busy).
Because, at the end of the day, all work and no play do make your boss a happy boy or girl.
Stay Alert, Stay Alive.
Yes, in such uncertain time, we have no choice.
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
What a relief, our virile Tiger is found, alive and well, sort of.
We have been looking for the crouching Tiger for the past month. Ever since he wrapped his SUV around a tree in front of his mansion, rumoured trouble with his wife, he has mysteriously disappeared under the watchful eyes of the army of paparazzi, stationed outside his residence. And then his mistresses, one by one (last count, 19), stepped forward and claimed their piece of fame for monetary gain. But where is Tiger, who simply vanished, suddenly and completely, without a trace, and transformed into a hidden dragon.
We kept searching the Internet for any bitsy of news. But Google was not co-operating.
Google, you are supposed to be the great detective (tool) of our generation, the search engine everybody goes to, that can spit out massively tons of info instantly and indiscrimately. But what is going on? News blackout? We cannot find any new info using all your fancy tools. You kept spitting out old news. We even have to rely on hackers, to go through your whole databases, your gmails data, the bloggers’ sites, to no avail. Where are you hiding all these valuable info? You are supposed to hog all the info directly from the Information Highway, never paid for them anyway, and stored every byte in your humongous numbers of PCs. Where are those Google street-view cars, supposed to be roaming the cities of this planet, snapping up pictures of our ordinary citizens, better than those grannies of the Neighourhood Watch teams. You are supposed to collect all those satellite images, to scan all books from libraries………. But now are you hogging and controlling all these info, censoring, sanitizing and blocking them and only release or dose out those you deemed harmless, to us netizens? This is Information Imperialism, really.
But thankfully National Enquirer came to the rescue. They first broke the news, Tiger is crouching low in Mississippi, licking his wounds in a sex-rehab center. From the snapshot circulating, we can even deduce Tiger’s treatment method, replacing sex addiction with another addiction, the good old stimulant — coffee. Just Look at the size of the Starbuck in his hand.
Farewell Google, we need you no more.
Now onto our next project: Brangelina Splitville. National Enquirer, here we come.
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
Shame-wow is the revolutionary super-absorbent sucker towel used by thousands of CEO and top salary executives of the big coporation of our civilized world today. This amazing shameless product has worked its way into the culture of Wall Street and beyond. Do you find monetary crisis all over your company from mismanagement you have previously inflicted, while running your corporation? Have you always want to have the right tools to get you out of this mess? How about companies with tons of angry shareholders, shouting at your door? Seniors lost all their retirement savings. Nowadays you’re almost bound to find discontent oozing from all levels, all around you. Further, your marvelous re-structuring plans don’t work either. You are ready to file for chapter 11/bankruptcy protection. Well, mistakes tend to be made all the time, we are human after all.
Cleaning up can become a drag, especially when you don’t have the right equipment. May be it is time to retreat. Today it’s your lucky day, you have this great Shame-wow tool (bonuses by any other name) at your disposal. Very few products have this special offer for getting you this win-win formula. If your company prospered, good, you get all the credit, plus a big fat bonus, but if your company failed and was bailed out by the government, with taxpayers money, you can still get a fat bonus this year, further, if you are forced to quit, or even fired, you will still get a big fat bonus (and can also sue the company for further monetary gain). That’s why you need this new Shame-wow monetary Absorbent Tool of greed, no matter what situation your company got into. This new product was designed to make cleaning up with monetary drainage (into your pocket) much more efficient for you to do and is priced right when you are planning for a quick retreat.
News Flash — Goldman Sachs awarded staff a near record $20 billion in 2009. Firms making losses for shareholders, such as Citigroup and Bank of America, are still paying hefty bonuses.
News Flash — JPMorgan Chase & Co. announced a record $9.3 billion payday for its investment-banking employees.
News Flash — The form of the pay is changing. Instead of cash, bonuses will be paid mostly in stock that can’t be redeemed for years. But the numbers are still staggering. Together, the six biggest U.S. banks are on pace to pay $150 billion in total compensation for 2009.
The Greedy Bunch is already hard at work, again. Shame-Wow.
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
“In a display that was anything but apathetic, thousands of Canadians of varying political stripes clogged city streets across Canada demanding Prime Minister Stephen Harper reopen Parliament and get back to work.” (Ciara Byrne — The Canadian Press )
Hey, people, listen, we are barking up the wrong tree.
As his Immigration minister said yesterday, it’s a lot easier for the government to operate without Parliament in session.
That’s exactly what my mother said when we were small, “I got a lot more done when you kids not home”.
Suddenly it dawned on me. Our Prime Minister is running the country like a family, one big if not always happy family. He is head of the household. How dare us kids (i.e. Canadian and through our representative MPs) want to talk back, and to question his authority, and his actions. He is the all powerful, know all, and arrogant father, doing everything he can just for the goodness of this family. We kids are really naughty, are trouble makers, and deserve to be punished, and have to be sent to our rooms, without dinner, and be grounded (just like sending his MPs packing, go back to their constituencies and not to return until things calm down).
You said, where is democracy. Big word. Of course there is democracy within the family. But there are definitely ground rules too. As long as we kids are not questioning the actions or behaviour of our elders (what do we kids know anyway), or talk back or voice our own opinion, or to bother him when he is pre-occupied, we are allowed to think whatever we want (and may be a protest or two). Isn’t that democratic enough, otherwise its just asking for trouble, and we will end up as a family of rebellious hoodlums.
People, calm down. Our Big Daddy knows best. If we behave, we may even get to taste a perogie (or is it prorogue?) Whatever, of course we don’t care, right?
(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
Mr. President, our condolences.
Who can believe, after 42 years, this stronghold of Kennedy, can fall into the hands of the barbarians. You’ll have difficulty pushing forward your healthcare reform. Of course you already know, nowadays you need at least to be a big C celebrity to accomplish anything at all, notoriuos or otherwise. Even Oprah is in trouble, her “Precious” is only doing so so, on the onslaught of King (of the world) James’s Avatar. You need help, star-studded big help like George Clooney and the like. I heard O’Brien is free at the moment, fresh from winning the battle with NBC. I have to warn you, though, John McCain and Sarah Palin are back. Sarah is just finishing making a kill with her “Going Rogue” booktour. She is starting her TV showbiz.
Talking about going rogue, that reminds me, yes you should borrow a chapter from your neighour of the north, our Great Leader Stephen Harper, going ProRogue. Shut down Congress immediately, postpone the State of the Union address for a better day. You need to recalibrate, to reset your goals and agenda. Wipe your slate clean. You need a break and holiday. We invite you to come up to our Winter Olympic game, bring your Congress, to join our Parliamentarians (they are off work till March). Once you have re-grouped and re-shuffled your deck, then you can re-kindle your campaign of More Hope. Voila, your are back in business and can then rule like a majority.
( Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
News Flash: The man who police say shot and killed eight people in a rural Virginia home is in police custody, state officials announced Wednesday. Police say Speight fatally shot eight people at a house in Appomattox County, Va., on Tuesday and forced down a police helicopter after shooting its fuel tank. Authorities have identified the victims of the Virginia mass killing as four adults, three teenagers and a 4-year-old.
News Flash: A gunman clad in black went on a shooting rampage Thursday, killing his ex-girlfriend then slaying four workers at a suburban shopping mall near Helsinki before turning his gun on himself, police said.
News Flash: Two officers were wounded after the man opened fire on them when they responded to a domestic disturbance. The gunman was later arrested after surrendering following a four-hour stand-off. Richard Poplawski, 23, was armed with an assault rifle and two other guns and was said to be depressed after losing his job and feared the Obama administration was poised to ban guns.
News Flash: It was reported that the man who shot dead 13 people and then killed himself at an immigrant community centre in the small American college town of Binghamton on Friday was depressed because he was unemployed and had difficulty in learning English.
News Flash: In Los Angeles, an unemployed man with an MBA who was despondent over his financial problems shot and killed his wife, three children, mother-in-law and himself in an upscale home in a gated community. Officers found the bodies yesterday morning, after the wife failed to show up for work. The father left two suicide notes that detailed his money problems – one for police and one for friends and relatives. A will and a gun were found near his body.
News Flash: On Sunday a gun man entered Pinelake Nursing Home of North Carolina at around 10 a.m. with more than one weapon. Witnesses report that he used both a deer gun and a shotgun as he blasted through the hallways. Wanda Stewart hid out in a secured washroom while her estranged husband Robert Stewart allegedly went through the nursing home with a gun.
News Flash: In Toronto, A young woman, cuddling her eight-week-old infant, comes seeking help for physical abuse by her spouse: her eye is blackened and the baby has a broken arm. Another woman has also reached out in desperation: an argument over a dental bill ended with her enraged husband stuffing the invoice, literally, down her throat.
The country’s economic indicators may be falling, but incidents of domestic violence and deadly rage are rising. Hotline calls, shelter visits, and domestic violence-related crimes are all up significantly, according to recent reports from US, Canada and UK.
Job loss and declines in income add even more strain on violent relationships. A study on recent domestic-violence homicides found that “limited access to services for victims and unemployment for batterers” were key risk factors of abuse. And women often feel trapped in abusive relationships during tough economic times.
The economy is not causing domestic violence, but it definitely influences it.
Beware Recession Rage, don’t feed the beast, seek help.
THE END OF THE WORLD
(Original by Skeeter Davis)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qgcy-V6YIuI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0l-GpISGBFY
– Lyrics modified –
(In memory of all lost in the Haiti Catastrophe)
Why does the sun go on shining
Why does the sea rush to shore
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
‘Cause God doesn’t love me any more?
Why do the birds go on singing
Why do the stars glow above
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
It ended when I lost my loves
I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why nothing’s the same as it was
I can’t understand, no, I can’t understand
How life goes on the way it does
Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
It ended when you all said goodbye
Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
It ended when you all said goodbye
( Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
I was caught in Walmart the other day, and thrown in jail, by the “Buy American” police.
I am an convalescing shopaholic, ever since I lost my job a few months ago. I desperately try to avoid the brand name products; I can afford them no more. To quench my urge to shop, I decided to try Walmart.
This was a whole new world. It was a zoo in there. You were hit by aisle and aisle of products, at “roll-back” prices, which I can afford. Even better, I spotted names like Joe Fresh, just like bumping into a nodding acquaintance. I felt exhilarated. I piled the shopping cart with stuff, from underwear to grocery. I was in an up-swing mood, until I was greeted by the “Buy American” police, at the checkout counter.
I was accused of committing an un-patriotic act, harbouring anti-American sentiment and practicing anti-consumerism ideology. All my checkout items were foreign made, with insufficient American content. In my defence, I tired to explain, with the shrinking Almighty Dollar, we common citizen cannot afford American designer, high end fashion anymore. We have to survive, desperate time needs desperate measure. Further, how can we distinguish goods that are produced here at home and those abroad? By their names or their labels? Even a Toyota is Japanese by name only, it is produced by our workers here in America, and even worse, many products with label of ‘made in USA’ actually have components that are from elsewhere.
But do they listen!? Of course not, I was thrown in jail.
So what is my crime?
Just listen, here is what the DA eloquently proclaimed, my everyday routine:
“John Smith started the day early, having set his alarm CLOCK (made in Japan) for 6am.While his COFFEE POT (made in China) was perking, he shaved with his ELECTRIC RAZOR (made in Hong Kong). He put on a DRESS SHIRT, (made in Sri Lanka), DESIGNER JEANS (made in Singapore) and TENNIS SHOES (made in Korea).After cooking his breakfast in his ELECTRIC SKILLET (made in India) he sat down with his CALCULATOR (made in Mexico) to see how much he could spend today.After setting his WATCH (made in Taiwan) to RADIO time (made in India), he got in his CAR, (made in Germany) and filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia) and continued his search for a good paying American job.At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking on his COMPUTER (made in Malaysia), John decided to relax for a while. He put on his SANDALS, (made in Brazil) poured himself a glass of WINE (made in France) and turned on his TV (made in Indonesia), and wondered why he can’t find a good paying job in America.At bedtime, John Smith took at look at his financial situation. And realized he’s deeply in DEBT (made in USA).”
I became the casualty of the recession, globilization and protectionism.
The verdict: Guilty as charged.
