Top 10 Reasons Why We Need a Fake Lake

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

1. For the own good of the reporters. Keep them away from the real danger of ground zero. No need for any iron fence. Stay with the fake lake, and keep out of trouble.

2. We have money to burn, the taxpayers don’t mind and the oppositions can’t touch us. Just follow the example of China, building our own brand of 民族自豪. We cannot again lose face in the world. To compensate, have to do everything in excess.

3. To top the list of Harper’s Follies, that includes “perogie/ prorogue”, Our Great Musical Leader/Pianoman — the later day Beatle, Pick & Choose Women Health, Redact to Retard, “No Staff Allowed” gag, EMP ……… and now Fake Lake.

4. To create a transcendental atmosphere for all pregnant ladies to relax and meditate, in those Muskoka chairs, to better their maternal health, no need for abortion after all.

5. Pre-emptive damage control. Reporters are all nosy fellows, can’t let them out of our sight. Unexpected digging will definitely ruin our perfectly scripted stagings. Keep them away from the real conferences, create a quiet virtual environment to calm their urge and curiosity. No more bad publicity.

6. It is a Marketing Pavillion, stupid. “There are thousands of visitors from around the world,” Prime Minister Stephen Harper told the House of Commons. “This is a classic attempt for us to be able to market the country.”

7. Prop for our first TV soap series, produced exclusively for our very own big C new TV channel, “Fox News North” — tentatively named the “Faux Muskoka”.

8. A new travelling trend: Virtual Reality Travel, sponsored by Tourism Canada — “Be There Without Being There” (神遊) and lots of Photo-op moments. We will throw in the self-cleaned public washroom for good measure.

9. “Put a fake lake in every Canadian backyard” — this is going to be our next election slogan.

10. Artistic Inspiration — a new song is born: “If I have a Billion Dollars”

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