Meet the Bidens

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

All hell broke loose when the madman tried to meet the Biden family for the first time, during the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games. The madman, after he heard that his hero Joe, was coming to town, he was bursting with joy. Presented with this once in a lifetime opportunity, the madman quickly got to work, created his own VIP pass and headed straight for BC Place stadium.

He boldly passed through all the checkpoints and headed for the VIP section. There was his hero, with his wife, kids and grandkids. He locked eye with the RCMP lady. Oh no, trouble, the lady was coming his way. The madman turned and ran. He was taken down.

Of course we caught him. We are the Vancouver 2010 Integrated Securities Unit. Our members include personnel from the RCMP, Vancouver Police Department, West Vancouver Police Department and Department of National Defence (a total force of 15,500 under our ISU command). This is not a White House dinner party, no Salahis, only a madman. We spent over billion dollars on our top of the line, state of the art security system. It bounds to be of some use.

We have surveillence cameras everywhere, even connected to Ottawa and the US for instant response. Although in the end, we still have to rely on our well trained human forces, their alertness, excellent eye-sight and quick thinking, to accurately spot those out of place behaviour cues.

Of couse there are loop-holes in our security. We closed the barndoor (i.e. the non-spectator entrance door) as soon as we identified it.

At the end, we are happy to report, Mr. Vice President was never in danger! Of course, what do you expect, it is a madman, not a hitman.

As security experts pointed out, since the 9/11 attacks, governments have been spending millions of dollars on high tech screening equipments. They introduced new screening methods in response to new kinds of attack – scanning shoes after the 2001 shoe bomber attack and insisting on 3 oz. plastic bottles and no liquid on board after a foiled 2006 plot to blow up British airlines, a naked total body scanner after the Christmas attack of hiding explosive in underwear. But experts say there are limits to throwing hardware at the problem, even if high-tech fixes could be developed quickly. These are all knee jerk responses, trying to detect and keeping prohibited material away. Instead we should learn from the Israeli airline model, focus on the working of the criminal minds, implement a wide range of behavioral profiling techniques. “Look at each person behind the eyes,” advised an expert, “ there are flaws there that most people would ignore. Once you’ve got a flaw or an inconsistency or a lie, that’s when all the alarm bells ring.”

That’s how the RCMP got their madman this time.

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