(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)


1. To be as famous as Margaret Atwood. Who is the lady anyway?

2. To be able to play reality Monopoly — Build Ford Nation, a Disney-style jaw-dropping wonderland, on our Waterfront

3. No, I am not homophobic, I once have a friend and her name is Gay

4. No, it is my brother’s idea. Interchangeability of the Twin Fordmayor

5. To be able to talk on the cell while driving, and able to give fellow driver the finger. I’m just exercising my role as mayor. No ticket please, thank you.

6. To host a new show in town — Suburgatory. A reality show to scare everybody out of Toronto, into the suburb. No residents, no spending, no tax.

7. To promote a Ford Nation Tea Party-style culture, Lingerie Football league (and eventually to hold another tourist attraction, the Lingerie Bowl), no gay parade (instead a lingerie parade?), no library (no need to be educated, want to speak out, just run for office), mmm….. May be more strip joints 😉

8. To form the Twin Fordmayor Real Estate company, and sell off all Toronto properties that we can get our hands on, to balance the budgets, so to speak

9. To hold more backyard BBQ at my mom’s place. How about a Tea Party? She is paying for them anyway, not a cent of taxpayers’ money

10. I propose to get rid of all the councillors, just me and Doug can run the whole city hall. Less expense, less tax. Amen.