(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

上週末, 剛好是新春, 家人欢聚過年, 吃餐團年飯。茶餘飯後, 要找奌娛樂助庆; 那天, 下了一整天的雪, 屋前屋後, 積满了最近數週以来, 所下的雪, 更是白上添白, 成了「雪仗」的好戰場。

HA-OOH! 呼的一声, 雪球飛来, 一場「雪球大戰」, 新的「甲午風云」, 正式爆發。

年青人, 不論男女, 都自动應徴入伍, 選擇其中一边, 加入戰圈。

但我們這些老鬼, 只能站在一旁, 作壁上覌, 只有作拉拉隊的份兒。

「雪仗」到了白熱化, 礼上往來, 雪球滿天飛, 逢, 又有人中招, 弄至戰士們, 个个都頭髮班白, 眼鏡積雪。

突然, 有人大喊暫停。

什么, 投降了 ? 受傷了 ? 全非也, 然來侄兒擲球用力過度, 連結婚戒指, 也一齊送了出去。

「雪球大戰」宣報結朿, 立刻变為尋宝遊戲。氣紛甚為緊張。

半小時過去了, 除了滿地腳印, 把雪壓得更实, 还是沒有結果。

有人提議就地用熱水解冰, 有人提議去找个金屬探測器回来, 更有人提議鸣金收兵, 等待春天的到来。

最後, 不知是誰想出来的妙法, 找到了兩个環保膠箱, 用来載鏟起来的雪, 一箱箱送到屋裡洗衣房, 倒在大洗衣盆裡, 用熱水把雪溶化, 来淘金。

又辛勤勞作了个多小時, 还是一無所獲, 士氣低沈。

突然奇績出現, Ting, 清翠的一声, 有如珍珠落玉盤, 立即撥開大洗衣盆裡的冰塊, 戒指就呈現在眼前。

Woosh! 大家都舒了口氣。

大海撈針, 失而復得, 馬年好運。

以後, 要另立新例, 已婚者, 不得參戰。

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

萬馬奔騰迎新歲

龍馬精神意氣昂

馬到功成又一春

春風得意馬如龍

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

The other day, Mayor Bill de Blasio, the new mayor of New York City, created quite a stir in the media and Twitter, when he sat down in a Stanten Island restaurant to eat a pizza, using a fork and knife. He was criticized for not practicing the New York handheld style (i.e.  The Hand to Mouth method), by using only his greasy fingers.

The Mayor explained: “In my ancestral homeland, it is more typical to eat with a fork and knife,” the Italian-American defended himself. “I have been in Italy a lot, and I have picked up the habit — for a certain type of pizza. When you have a pizza like this, it had a lot on it, you know, I often start with a knife and fork, but then I cross over to the American approach, and I pick it up when I go farther into the pizza.”

He summed it up: “It’s a very complicated approach, but I like it.”

No explanation necessary Mr. Mayor. As long as the stomach is filled, that’s all that mattered. The end justified the mean.

But for those picky critics, here is what the etiquette doyenne, Miss Manner’s said about it, in 1989.

Dear Miss Manners-What is the proper way to eat a slice of pizza? For an adult to pick up a slice and bite it looks crude. Are you supposed to cut it in small bites and eat it with a fork?

Here is her response:

Gentle Reader-A lot of factors go into determining the correct way to eat a particular food-where it is served, for example, and how it is cooked. Chicken at a picnic or fast-food establishment is eaten differently from chicken at a dinner party or a restaurant, for example, and sauteed chicken is eaten differently from fried chicken.

Now, there are gooey pizzas and pizzas that have been baked senseless. No one should have trouble eating the latter by hand under all but formal circumstances, but you are correct to guess that the age of the eater affects the way gooey pizza is eaten. Grown-ups with strings of cheese all over their faces look a lot worse than young people in the same condition. They should therefore employ forks on which to wind any hanging parts.”

According to WikiHow:

Pizza is undoubtedly one of the world’s best known foods. From country to country, pizza is served and eaten in different ways. There are questions about proper pizza etiquette and which method is more popular than another. It’s up to you on how to eat pizza – above all, it’s great and tasty one way or another!

Method 1

Cut and eat with a knife and fork. This is probably the most polite way in eating a pizza. It’s also helpful in times where you have a load of toppings and want to taste everything in one bite.

Method 2

Fold the slice in half. Put the two sides together, so it’ll create a “U” shape at the crust. If you have several loose toppings, especially at the bottom, you may need to either pick them off or hold them in place as you move it towards your mouth.

Continue reading →

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

聞説, 肥佬市長, 捲土重来, 一馬當先, 已在 CITY HALL 註册, 參加競选, 下屆多倫多市長。

正所謂: 塞翁失馬, 焉知非 FORD。

在這裡, 我們預祝他能, 前事不忘, 後事之師, 會作出更多, 更多, 更多的道歉; 給我們小市民, 更多的, 眙笑大方的胡言乱語; 給深夜的脫口秀, 更多的笑料題材, 使多倫多这城市, 更能揚名於天下矣。

現獻上, GOOGLE 隨手拾来, 一些助选精句, 願共勉之。

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

X 月 X 日

我悶, 很悶, 悶得發慌。

望出窗外, 那批群情洶涌的記者羣, 早就不見了。不能再大聲喝駡他們: “給我滾開, Get Off My Driveway!” 再沒有那刺激感, Adrenaline Surge。

回到市政聽, 也少見到那批 Paparazzi, 記者羣。再不需要有如摩西過紅海, 把記者人海往兩边分開, 衝撞而過, 有形, 真威!

唉, 曾幾何時, 今時唔同往日, 早已門堪羅雀矣。

正所謂: 辦公室門閒不用, 終日誰来 ?

X 月 X 日

午間, 省長 Kathleen Wynne 会見了副市長 Norm Kelly。我早就發了信抗議, 這是 City Hall 宮庭政变, 成批 councillors 籠裡鳮造反, 奪權篡位, 我才是掌門人, 市民选出来的真命天子。

但這又有如投石大海, 他們都借咗聾耳陳隻耳, 一於少理。

嘆一句: 別時容昜見時難, 流水落花春去也, Vodka, Crack Cocaine!

X 月 X 日

受奸人所害, 要靠边站, 但我仍然是不倒翁, 有誰夠我威!

Weekend 去看 NFL 足球賽, 就萬人空巷来欢迎我, 要拍照留念, Hell Angels included,  威盡。

哈! Newsweek 剛宣報, 我是 2013 年的‘Newsmaker of the Year’, 是熱辣辣的新聞人物。

係人都識我啦, 全無敵。

你們这批反骨仔女, 等着瞧吧! 到明年大选, 我一坐正, 我就要大開殺界, 殺过片甲不留。

殺, 殺, 殺, 殺, 殺, 殺, 殺

X 月 X 日

深夜的脫口秀, 不再以我為題材, 無哂癮。

CNN, Fox 等電視台都作过訪問。 Been There, Done That.

連自已名下的廣播節目, SUN電視節目, 都被取消。

終日無所是事, 聽吓市民投訢电話, 又一天矣。

現正密鑼緊鼓, 希望能利用 YouTube, 再東山復出; 兩兄弟又能互相吹牛, 大事宣傳。

照走勢看来, 以後可能大有机会, 進軍荷里活, 再世 John Candy 来也。

X 月 X 日

亜媽話, 只要我減肥, 就能萬事無憂了。

亜媽, 不用担心, 我保証: I am not an alcoholic; I am not addicted to crack cocaine.

Why? 無他, 我找到了新的癮頭, I am addicted to power, to my celebrity fame, 出盡風頭, 真过癮。

我深深感受到我吸引人的昧力, 陶醉在我 bloated 的 ego.

正是: 數風頭人物, 还看今朝。

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

As requested by Don, here we go …..

Stuporman, a.k.a. Rob Ford, the youngest son of Doug and Diane Ford, of the planet Etobicoke/Toronto, was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. The wealthy Ford family owns Deco Labels, a multi-national labelling and printing firm based in Etobicoke. Rob has disguised himself as the elected mayor of Toronto since 2010 , and claimed to be the frontman of the Ford Nation/his supporters. Representatives of the Evil Media (which are constantly trying to dig up dirt about our super-anti-hero) have struck gold recently, from the crack video, to his admission of having smoked cocaine, to having a Mickey while driving, to have purchased illegal drugs in the past two years. Upon admission to such mis-deeds, he has stubbornly refused to step down, but repeatedly opened his foul mouth, to provide us with great amazement and constant entertainment. He stayed close to his drug dealer friends, dragged in his Stuporman Family and staff, and performed other related parodies to his ongoing story, which led us to question his ‘stupordity’.

Before he became the Mayor of Toronto, he was a city councillor for 10 years. He had always been a loner, and was a strong critic of other councillors’ spending habit.  Ford was known for his controversial comments and passionate arguments at Council. He ran for mayor on the platform of stopping the City Hall gravy train. He was very popular with the ‘Joe Public.’ He won with 47% of the votes (383,501). People expected him to cut spending and save them money. Ford himself claimed he saved taxpayers 1 billion dollars. But according to an article of the Toronto Star, this is much debatable  (http://www.thestar.com/yourtoronto/robford/2013/11/08/deconstructing_mayor_rob_fords_fiscal_record.html).

As for the ongoing fiasco, no need to repeat here. There are tons of reporting already.

He believes in his own invincibility, since there is no municipal law to impeach or kick out an existing bad mayor. He is sitting tight and lashes out once in a while with the threat of a law suit. Other than trying to restrict his power, there is not much the City Council can do at the moment, unless the Province of Ontario intervene with some new laws.

Ford revealed to US  Fox News Channel today of his ambition:  to be prime minister one day.  Oh yeah, PM of Crack Nation?!

As the world turns, our Stuporman marches on.

Stay tuned.

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

Brilliant! Who can think of that! A Robbie Bobbie Bobblehead doll! Yesterday Mayor Ford kept himself busy selling and autographing his “mini-me”, for charity. 20 buck a head. They were selling like hotcake.

A smiling nodding Ford. Every Torontonian should have one on her/his desk. Then you can ask him any question. And no matter what you ask, he will keep smiling and nodding his head.

Robbie, have you smoked crack cocaine? Smiling and nodding his head.

Have you purchased any illegal drugs in the past 2 years? Smiling and nodding his head.

Are you going to resign? Smiling and nodding his head.

Are you a drug addict? An alcoholic? Smiling and nodding his head.

Are you going to Rehab? Smiling and nodding his head.

Wow, this is even better than a simple “No Comment”!

Brilliant. After the bloodbath at City Hall today, rumour has it, they are coming out with a new doll —- Robbie the Undead.

Smile everyone smile

All of your trouble will perish like bobble

Smile everyone smile

Nod everyone nod

All of your trouble will perish like bobble

Nod everyone nod

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

我是肥佬市長的擁躉, 「福特王朝」的信徒。

我家就在 Etobicoke,  多倫多的 suburb,  是獨立樓房,  三房兩廳,  有前後花園,  是我們的小康之家。剛退休,  閒来弄孫兒,  弄園藝,  和朋友打番幾圈衞生牌,  過日神。

生活雖然過得去,  但退休金有限,  花錢還是要小心為上。

活动范围, 就止限於住宅, 花園, 和附近商場。偶然入 town, 都是驅車前往; 最怕就是遇上那些單車騎士, 横衝直撞, 一下不小心, 碰跌一個, 就大件事了。

肥佬市長話要起 subway, 我舉腳都贊成。馬路是留給汽車專用的。

唔知奌解, 班報紙佬, 好似同佢有仇, 分分鐘要起佢底, 可能見佢肥頭 dub 耳, 好吓 D。我就看不順眼, 簡直是歧視。

誰能無錯, 吸煙喝酒, 很多人都会做過, 咪埋来做, 你唔知之嘛。吸毒, 比較嚴重, 但都已成過去, 而且只是酒醉後試過一次咁多; 佢又聲淚俱下来道歉, 感人肺胕, 有勇氣, 應該再給他一個机会。

肥佬, 以後,  要聽兄弟 Doug 的金石良言, 自己靜鳮鳮, 咪埋土庫去吸食, 那就神不知, 鬼不覺, 唔会被輿論捉到痛腳了。

肥佬市長有一些三教九流的朋友, 又算什么! 朋友有難, 佢又探監, 寫信, 沒把他們拋棄, 更不把他們送進車底, 好似佢個鈎魚 buddy, Stevie 一样。肥佬市長就的確夠哂義氣啦。

肥佬市長執政以来, 建竖唔少, 替我們纳税人慳番幾百萬, 又攪掂班垃圾佬, 就係值得支持。減稅, 減支出, 唔似市政班 pinko, 只会花錢在 welfare, 唔替我地 D 纳税人着想。

肥佬市長認為, 佢一個人都可以 run City Hall, 照現在情况看来, 那可能是 from his basement 了。

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

On Thursday, Police Chief Bill Blair announced Toronto Police has unearthed the notorious video tape of Mayor Rob Ford, the one showing him appeared to be smoking crack cocaine. Next day, Ford’s lawyer and brother Doug demanded the police to release the video tape to the public immediately, so that Torontonians can view it themselves and draw their own conclusion. “Picture’s worth 1,000 words, so let’s come out with it.”

To help our dazed and speechless citizens to draw their conclusion, here are some of our suggestions and a picture of a crack pipe.

Top Ten Possible Use of a Crack Pipe

1. To blow bubbles
2. An inhaler for asthmatics
3. A new musical instrument — a Crackamonics
4. A cigarette holder
5. A drinking straw
6. A whistle blower
7. An Aladdin lamp to wish the scandal goes away
8. A new smoke signal machine to communicate with my best friend for more parcel delivery
9. A single serve coffee maker
10. An opium gun