Ready Set Go

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

Yes, Prime Minister, we are ready, ready for that darn election.

Sex sells. Believe it or NOT, this Water Flirtation (oops, Filtration) Scandal is a godsend. This is just what we need, to stir up some interest. Nowadays, scandals are popular and with headline drawing power, not necessarily bad publicity. Look at Charlie Sheen, appearing on TV every day. People are lining up to pay a hundred bucks for a ticket to hear his incoherent psychotic rambling about violent winning (of what I do not know). His rating is up, higher than his ranting.

Now we have a romance between our own top ex-advisor, an influential and powerful 66 year elder, and his fiancée, a 22 years old ex-escort. Such Ottawa fairy tale should definitely draw attention, with someone knowledgeable enough to know how to peddle and what strings to pull in our government; and the benefit of rejuvenation while working for us (without Viagra).

BTW, I advise to recruit Charlie to assist in our upcoming campaign, isn’t his father the President in the West Wing. This may come handy someday. He is also an excellent example of winning, by losing (his job, his wife, his children, and his mind, to name a few)

Wars, violence, these are our drawing cards too. People love violence. Look at those brain-dead NHL officials, they strongly believe, their league will not survive without bodychecks and concussions. They want to educate little kids to start bodychecking as soon as they can skate, to protect them, they reason.

Further, sending the jet fighters to Libya is a move of genius. This makes you an instant war-time Prime Minister and a war-time hero. Then you may be able to hold on office just to do your job.

At home, people love a good fight too. Personal attack ads are brilliant. Look, Iggy is upset and fighting back. We must be doing something right, hitting his nerve, and below his belt. We should hit harder with both fists. Now we have covered his patriotism, his elitism, his family, what’s next?

Oh, the Commons committee has just found us, the Harper government, in contempt of Parliament, and breaking the rules of government. Well, big deal, you win some, you lose some. We have trained our bureaucratic staff and ministers well; they can expertly hide information, evade questioning, doctor documents and even creatively financing all our elections. What else can you ask for!?

Business as usual.

Ready, set, go.


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