How to Read a Newspaper

(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)

For us retirees, reading the newspaper is the highlight of our daily life. Every morning, we spend hours going through the newspaper, right there at the kitchen table. But have you ever wondered, how to read a newspaper?

There is actually no proper way to do it, you just develop your own style.

So what kind of reader are you?

First of all, are you a spreader or a folder?

For a Folder, you fold your newspaper in whatever way that suits you, in half or into a quarter page, or just to expose the article that interests you.

For a Spreader, you simply spread the newspaper in front of you, full size. With elbows bend, you hold the newspaper up with both hands, with your face and probably the whole body, hiding behind it. Or if that is too tiring for your arthritis, you can spread the whole newspaper out on the kitchen table, and bend slightly forward to read it.

To lighten the load of a heavy, thick, too-many-pages newspaper like the Sunday New York Times, you can be a Picker. You pick out all the pages that don’t interest you, right from the beginning, discard them, before you settle down to enjoy your morning read, leisurely and effortlessly.

Too much work thinning the newspaper? Try to be a Selector. Scan through the whole newspaper first and make note of those articles that interest you, mark them if you want, then go back and read through them one by one, slowly.

As you read along, if you are a Collector, you may start cutting out those articles or pictures or cartoons or crossword puzzles or whatever you treasure and want for keepsake. By the time you finish this morning exercise, you will be left with another edited newspaper, with holes that are comparable to a redacted Conservative government document.

Many people read the newspaper as a Silent Reader. With a mug of coffee in one hand, you slowly turn the pages, absorbed completely with the content of those ridiculous news and amazing events that are happening all over the world. Or if you are an Announcer, you will broadcast what you have just read to your spouse or anyone within hearing distance. “Another Hollywood couple hit the dirt.” “What is the government hiding.” “Wine is good for you.”

But a word of warning, though, once when you found yourself the Detailer, combing the newspaper from top to bottom, from headlines to obituaries, digesting and regurgitating every single bit of junk news, then you know too much time is on your hands. You better start working out in the gym, book for a Tai Chi or dance class, play a game of friendly ping-pong, and join the senior breakfast club at McDonald. Or, be a blogger.

As the saying goes, no news is good news. Information overload can be hazardous to your health.

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