(Through Rose-Coloured Glasses)
Shame-wow is the revolutionary super-absorbent sucker towel used by thousands of CEO and top salary executives of the big coporation of our civilized world today. This amazing shameless product has worked its way into the culture of Wall Street and beyond. Do you find monetary crisis all over your company from mismanagement you have previously inflicted, while running your corporation? Have you always want to have the right tools to get you out of this mess? How about companies with tons of angry shareholders, shouting at your door? Seniors lost all their retirement savings. Nowadays you’re almost bound to find discontent oozing from all levels, all around you. Further, your marvelous re-structuring plans don’t work either. You are ready to file for chapter 11/bankruptcy protection. Well, mistakes tend to be made all the time, we are human after all.
Cleaning up can become a drag, especially when you don’t have the right equipment. May be it is time to retreat. Today it’s your lucky day, you have this great Shame-wow tool (bonuses by any other name) at your disposal. Very few products have this special offer for getting you this win-win formula. If your company prospered, good, you get all the credit, plus a big fat bonus, but if your company failed and was bailed out by the government, with taxpayers money, you can still get a fat bonus this year, further, if you are forced to quit, or even fired, you will still get a big fat bonus (and can also sue the company for further monetary gain). That’s why you need this new Shame-wow monetary Absorbent Tool of greed, no matter what situation your company got into. This new product was designed to make cleaning up with monetary drainage (into your pocket) much more efficient for you to do and is priced right when you are planning for a quick retreat.
News Flash — Goldman Sachs awarded staff a near record $20 billion in 2009. Firms making losses for shareholders, such as Citigroup and Bank of America, are still paying hefty bonuses.
News Flash — JPMorgan Chase & Co. announced a record $9.3 billion payday for its investment-banking employees.
News Flash — The form of the pay is changing. Instead of cash, bonuses will be paid mostly in stock that can’t be redeemed for years. But the numbers are still staggering. Together, the six biggest U.S. banks are on pace to pay $150 billion in total compensation for 2009.
The Greedy Bunch is already hard at work, again. Shame-Wow.